ED and Stress: Friends or Foes?

Ok, so my life is stressful. Yeah, yeah, I know what you are thinking. “Momsgotproblems, EVERYONE has a stressful life, so what makes yours unique?”

Well, I guess nothing. Lately however, I have reached my threshold of stress, and yet it keeps coming! I feel like I have fallen off a racing boat speeding through the Atlantic Ocean without a lifejacket. And as I spew salty water, gasp for air, and rely on my rusty tread-water technique that I learned in summer camp umpteenth thousand years ago, I see, off in the distance what looks like an old water-logged plank. Why there would be a plank in the ocean is beyond me, but there is! Anyway as I use some kind of crawl/doggie paddle/flailing stroke, I manage to reach the board and can just barely keep my head out of the frigid water.

And then I see the wave. Now we are not talking average, run-of-the-mill, ocean wave that naturally crosses the water. We are talking the mother of all waves. The wave that Poseidon unleashes when he destroyed whatever city he did in the beginning of “Clash of the Titans” movie starring Harry Hamlin. (If you have never seen that movie you SO have to see it!) Anyway… My trusty rotten board flies away from me and I am once again left sputtering. And then the ocean liner. Now on “The Love Boat” (What’s with me and the reference to old visual entertainment?) the cruise ship glides gracefully through the ocean barely disturbing the water. (Incidentally, on the cruise ship other things also “glide gracefully.”) Well the ship I encounter stirs up quite a wake that actually throws the life jacket off my body. And then the ship backs up again and does it again!

OK, once again, My metaphors have taken over this entry. But I hope you can connect the dots and show that the stress which is keeping me up at night and occupies my thoughts/feelings during the day is heavy. Too heavy to get into here, but let’s just say things with Margaret have gone from terribly horrible to unbelievably abysmal.

How am I handling it? Not well. Or well. I guess it depends upon how you look at things. Usually ED makes me binge. It’s a non-stop food fest in my own hands. I hate it, and feel weak, and out of control.

That is handling it not well.

This time around–the swimming, wave, “Love Boat” thing–I am not able to eat. Even when I want to eat I am manage to fight off the urge. Well twice so far this week I have given in and eaten. They were what I consider “mini-binges.” Not normal, still more than I want; hell, even “not normal” for me. But these mini binges haven’t caused any damage. Well today is Friday and I consumed food Monday and Wednesday. No. My goal is not to eat today.

Nada. Nothing. Nyet.
I have to fight off the hunger no matter what.

Now back to the question at hand (ya know, the one asked in the question): what is the relationship between ED and Stress?

I find in my usual bingeing self believing that ED and stress are FOES. Stress piles on top of ED and then ED piles on top of me in the form of food. FOES!!!!

But when are they friends? Now. Stress (and its neighbors: guilt, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and let’s not forget his new roommie frustration) is practically killing me. ED has decided to allow me a modicum of happiness. He is allowing me to restrict. Fast. Whatever you want to call it.

I call it very, very cool because I finally broke a “number barrier.” A what? Huh? A number something? In this case the barrier means that my weight has gone from 19,490 lbs to 19,489 lbs. See what I mean? I’m out of the “90’s” and into the “80’s.” Essentially every 10 lbs (but not from where I started). Get it? Of course you get it!

That is all thanks to ED. And Stress. And their (currently) sympathetic partnership. They are FRIENDS.
And if I have ED in my life (he’s in-it-to-win-it) and I must have Stress (and I mean crazy, hot-mess stress) I want them to remain FRIENDS.

I need all the friends I can get.