Therapy Can Only Do So Much!

Dear Blog Readers,

I am so very sorry that I haven’t written in so long! Lately there has barely been a second for me to catch a breath, much less for me to blog. Seriously. I am gasping for air as I type this! (That hissing noise you hear is the oxygen slowly flowing out of my portable oxygen tank that I keep in one of those wheely carts.)

Anyway, today I am returning to therapy after an extended absence…a couple of months? Does that sound about right? Lately I don’t even know what day it is, much less the last time I did something.

I have been over-therapicized. With all the sh*t going on with my sweet Mags, I am seriously occupied almost every single day with appointments. I am so tired.

Mentally, Emotionally, Physically.

So what am I doing? Going back to therapy. Adding yet another “talk about your problems and let’s work together to find a better way to come up with strategies and coping strategies…blah, blah, blah.”

Why the f*ck am I doing this to myself? Good question.

I feel like it is the thing to do. I honestly think it will change NOTHING. I honestly think I will change NOTHING. I think I will feel the same strain in my life and the same drain in my life. I think my life and its issues and problems and stressors will still exist with the same potency.

Everyone says I need self-care. Even after my trips to treatment, I STILL don’t believe in self-care. It helps nothing and does not make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. I feel guilt. I feel selfish.

Therapy is not self-care; therapy is self-exposure and self-vulnerability and self-weakness.